"Lost and broken
Hopeless and lonely
Smiling on the outside
Hurt beneath my skin
My eyes are fading
My soul is bleeding
I try to make it seem okay
But my faith is wearing thin"

He's really shitting me off today. First he says he's going to come and see me after work, then goes off to see his gf, and i wait at work for him to pick me up. So I cracked it and walked home. Then he calls me when I'm almost home and says NOW he's gonna come see me. Seriously I'm getting fed up with being his "downtime." I'm realising I'm nothing special to him, he acts like this to everyone. Fuck it. Fuck It All. I'm not girl #1 in his life, even though he's pretty much guy #1 in my life, it's not fair and I've had enough. He makes me feel like I am sometimes, then goes and pretty much slaps me in the face, makes me feel like shit. He went and said shit that I'd told him in confidence to another friend of mine, he did it jokingly but it really pissed me off. I think I'm gonna stop talking to him and stuff. Might be better. I'm extremely fucked off. I think I shall not speak to him for a few days, might be better for everyone. If he wants to talk, he can call or whatever.

I think this is the 'hatin' stage of the getting-over-someone process. I'll never be his number one, not good enough, alot has made me realise that today. And I'm going to stop trying coz there's no point in trying to be with him. He doesn't want me and never will. He likes to just play with me and my emotions and I've had enough. I give up completely.